-LRB- CNN -RRB- -- Three years ago , I was just another American working mom when a famous Chinese publisher , CITIC Press , contacted me to write a book for China 's single ladies .

At first I was n't sure if I was the right person for the task . Yes , I 'm ethnic Chinese , but I 'm Chinese-American . How could I write something useful for women in China ?

But after CITIC pursued me for a year , I agreed . My resulting book , `` Do Not Marry Before Age 30 , '' became a best-seller in China and has become embedded in its pop culture and urban consciousness .

My life has also changed . I 've developed a burning passion for empowering Chinese women , and I now work full-time in China 's booming fashion and lifestyle media . All this has given me an intimate look at urban Chinese women , their lives and their dreams .

Chinese women want what all women want

Many Chinese women now are well-educated -- in fact , Businessweek reported that U.S. business school enrollment is driven by women from China . Naturally , these women want to put their education to good use in their careers .

In their marriages , they also have new dreams . They do n't want a traditional Chinese marriage based on responsibility . They want love . Reality dating shows are legion in China , and like the idealistic Charlotte in the American TV show `` Sex and the City , '' Chinese women want to `` dream the impossible dream . ''

In short , Chinese women today want what all women want -- great careers , true love , and maybe , a child who 's happy and successful -LRB- most Chinese women are still restricted to having one child under government policy -RRB- .

Sex and power are deeply intertwined in China

The current generation of women is caught in a transitional moment in Chinese history . For thousands of years , Chinese society has been structured around the family unit . Men were the heads of household , women the caregivers . Women lived to please others .

Now , there is an epic clash unfolding in Chinese society between women 's newfound dreams and traditional notions of a woman 's role .

The title of my book , `` Do Not Marry Before Age 30 , '' is an attack on the fact that women in China face brutal social pressure to marry by age 27 lest they be labeled `` leftover women . ''

In China , sex and power are deeply intertwined . Concubine culture lives on , whereby mistresses are an acceptable and even expected accoutrement for men in power . Chinese social media regularly features photos of corrupt government officials with their mistresses . Perhaps inevitably in a society where power avails men of women , sexual harassment and domestic violence are rampant .

Women 's media are the messengers of history

Ancient traditions are codified into a range of laws in China that are unfair to women . But in a culture where women always have been second-class , laws will change only when enough women recognize their own selves and say `` I 'm not gon na take it anymore ! ''

That 's where pop media comes in . Naomi Wolf wrote in `` The Beauty Myth '' that American women 's magazines were the `` first messengers in history to address the majority of women ... to tell them they have a right to define themselves first . '' This applies equally to China now .

That 's why many writers and editors who care about women 's culture are fighting to redefine beauty in China , show that strong is beautiful , and profile women who 've ignored the rules , defined their own lives , and who as a result are lovely and amazing at every age .

Abuse thrives in silence , and the only way to overcome injustice is for us all to start truly connecting with our own selves and with those around us . Women 's media prompts the dialogue needed in order for change to happen .

We 're all making culture now . It 's up to each one of us to ensure the culture we create is based on dignity and mutual respect for everyone .

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The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Joy Chen .

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Chinese women want what all women want : great careers , true love , maybe a child

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Clash between Chinese women 's newfound dreams and traditional notions of female role in society

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Chinese women 's media is helping women redefine themselves